I have been exclusively dating this guy named James for about a month and a half now.   Hes met my family and I have met his.   We went to Boston for the weekend. 

Normally I come to my blog to express concerns, vent, something… but I don’t have anything to say.   Nothing is wrong.. Hes not mean to me.  Hes not rude or disrespectful.  He doesn’t hide me in the corner when his friends are around… as a matter of a fact, I am becoming close with his friends too. 

This just seems so abnormal to me.  There is no game, drama, hang up.   I feel valued.  I feel safe and protected.  I feel myself opening up about things that I never wanted to talk about again.  

Am I scared?  Of course.  I am vulnerable.  I am unprotected from the wall I have had up for so long.  Where there was once a block of ice, there is now a beating heart.  

This can’t be real.  I can’t be in a healthy relationship.  It’s not in the cards for me.  There HAS to be something wrong.  

Through all this blissful peace and contentment, I still feel the urge to hop on a plane.  Fly to whatever country Stuart is in and never come home.  Maybe that is whats wrong… I found my prince charming.  But its not who I want it to be.   I can’t mess this up.  My love for Stuart is strong and will never fade.   But he doesn’t love me back.  My future with him is nonexistent.  James wants me.  All of me.  All day.   I need to let Stuart go.  In a romantic sense at least.   

   I cant live in a world where Stu and I aren’t friends.

Side note- My hair is shit today